The Road taken twice

Right now I hate my body and I hate myself. Why is my body not normal ,? Why can't I go into labor? What is wrong with me ? I have done everything but I know that they will section me again . I know it . Unless I run away , which I am considering . And that will be the end of my childbearing . I will never go through this again only to be cut open at the end . How can I have lost my plug and have bloody show and still be sitting here. I feel like a failure . Our neighbors, friends and my doulas are all waiting , calling , emailing . What is going on ? Not a thing. Not a thing are you sure ? Yes nothing. I am angry , I am sad and I hate myself because I am not normal . My body lets me down .